When I was younger dating was a bit easier, or at least it seemed to be. If a guy was interested in you, he asked you out on a date. Either you hit it off, or you didn’t, there really wasn’t a lot of grey area, or at least none that mattered too much.
In these last few years of singlehood though, it seems to have gotten a lot more complicated.
Guys still ask you out, but you are left to wonder if the ask of “coffee” or “dinner” or “concert tickets” or whatever is them showing a sign of interest, or if it’s just a hang out?
If a second “ask” doesn’t happen right away, does this mean that it wasn’t actually a date, or does it mean that you failed the audition? Do we women think like this because it’s true, or are we just overly sensitive since we are still single at a “certain age”?
A group of us singletons were discussing this recently and as always, we drank far much more wine, than answered any of the questions we sat down with.
One thing that quieted us when it did come to mind though; could we actually just be placeholders for certain men?
We all agreed that there were a number of men in the peripheries of our lives that every once in a while creep up and ask us out – most of the time we figure it’s just to maintain a friendship, but the second one of those guys actually meets someone else, and enters into the realm of “real dating” we are left with this uneasy feeling that we were used in some way. Do the guys stop calling after they have committed to someone else because it is too complicated to maintain a friendship once the other friend is in a serious relationship, or were they only calling to begin with because they were trying to fill some void in their life that a girlfriend or wife now fills?
Worse yet, were they just keeping us in check on the off-chance that the real “one” didn’t come around for them and wanted to keep us waiting in the wings just in case she never did?
Or maybe we all just over-analyze things too much.
Something that I pointed out to the group though, was the fact that we are always there when these guys call.
Maybe we too are using them as placeholders until the “one” comes along? Maybe we are just as guilty and only feel bitter because some of them have moved on from us first?
Do any of you out there fall into this category of quasi friendship? Are there girls, or guys in your lives you think may be using you as a placeholder until the real deal comes along? We know it’s been a while since any one has posted to the site, but if you’re still out there reading, as always we’d love to hear from you.