After a few moments of small talk, and catch up, the topic turned to where it inevitably does; dating. More specifically, why the four single girls in the room (myself included of course) were still single.
The marrieds mean well, and aren’t overly smug like some other smug marrieds I know, but neither of the two who were in the room that night ever really had to work hard at dating.
One, married her high school sweetheart, who despite a not always smooth road, eventually found their way into each others arms. The other, married her best friend – without having to dip her toes too deep into the dating cesspool – when she realized that they were meant to be more than that.
I’m not trying to make light of the struggles each of these married friends had to go through, and still do on the rollercoaster ride called marriage, but neither of them ever had to sit in the trenches of the dating war for very long, if at all, so their advice…isn’t always well received.
One of the marrieds asked a very valid question; “why do we (the singles) need to wait for a man to ask us out?” The singles left in the room at that point literally shuddered, eyed each other cautiously waiting for someone to answer – which none of us actually did, instead happily allowing the conversation to flow on.
The question is a good one though – why leave it up to the guy? We (myself at the top of the list) complain constantly that guys are too chicken, or have the wrong priorities when it comes to dating, yet none of us girls are willing to “man up” if the guy choses not to.
So I decided to put my mouth where my fingers normally are, and got up the courage to ask out a guy whom I had met previously through other friends. I had only been out with the guy that one time, but we had had a great conversation and he seemed really nice, at least nice enough to go out for a coffee or a drink with.
Only one problem, I had never actually asked a guy out before.
Once I put the idea into my head, I found myself at a total loss as to how to do it, or what to say? So I decided to send it in a text, and immediately regretted my decision the second I hit send.
Unfortunately for me my common sense came a bit too late, realizing that texting is really an awful way to approach asking someone out. I have said out loud and on this site that using texting or Facebook are such cop outs – but this epiphany came too little too late.
Reading over the texts (I sent three short consecutive texts because despite my knowledge and use of twitter, I can’t seem to limit myself to 140 characters at the best of times, let alone in stressful situations like this one) – what I read wasn’t too bad, and hopefully showed my laid back attitude towards the whole subject. (Just to make certain though I had one of the J’s read them over)
Then I waited.
And I continue to wait.
But that really isn’t the point.
The point of this post isn’t to highlight another of my tragic failings in the dating game, but instead to highlight what I learned from this exercise in gender role switching;
1. Don’t ask somebody out in text message, or Facebook (if you must use social media, aim for What’s App or BBM at least that way you can get confirmation that they have read your message) :)
2. Don’t leave it up to the other person to make first contact, even if they are “supposed” to in your crazy traditional head. If you feel a possible connection between you and another person, it’s ok to be the one to say it first. You won’t spontaneously combust, (or even wish you had) which brings me to;
3. Making the first move and being shot down, or even ignored, isn’t the end of the world – you will survive it, and better still, you may not miss out on what could be a good thing.